Fellas, is it gay to sleep with your friend?

Sleeping in the same bed with your friends should be considered normal, regardless of gender. Women have sleepovers all the time and share beds with their friends. No one bats an eye. However, if a man does it, people raise a lot of questions. Since when was this such a complicated thing?

Meet Stephen LaConte, a writer at Buzzfeed, who gives advice to people over the Internet.

@stephenlc / Via instagram.com

So, a woman asked Stephen for advice regarding her boyfriend. Her boyfriend’s male friend was visiting him, and he asked his girlfriend to sleep on the couch because he wants to share the bed with his friend.

This was the original DM by the girlfriend.

@stephenlc / Via Instagram

So basically, there are two main questions that the woman is asking. She wants to know whether her boyfriend’s behaviour is normal and if she should be worried about this.

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So, addressing her first question about whether or not this behaviour is “normal”, Stephen offered his advice.

He looked into the dictionary meaning of the word, which means this behaviour should fit into regular standards. He wrote:

“I think it’s safe to say that your boyfriend’s bed-sharing routine is not the standard for straight male friendships, at least in America. A variation from our society’s norms, for sure!”

Well, it is true. No matter how much we want this to be normal, it isn’t normal for guy friends to share a bed when a girlfriend is around. They usually just make the friend sleep on the couch. So, yes. It definitely isn’t “normal.”

However, Stephen looked more into the matter.

Just because a behaviour or action isn’t “normal” or usual, does not necessarily mean it is wrong.

“But “normal” shouldn’t be the goal here, because “normal” doesn’t tell us anything about whether the behaviour is good or bad. For example, if we’re judging things solely by how standard they are, the “normal” thing for a straight guy to do in this situation would be to outright refuse to share a bed with another man, maybe even dropping some casual anti-gay language in the process.” He explained how all this is just a result of toxic masculinity. Toxic, fragile masculinity is “normal” in our culture — but I think you should be glad that your boyfriend doesn’t abide by those rules.

If women can do it, why not men?

Sometimes two male friends just want to spend some time together, what is so wrong in that? Why does that raise questions for people? It doesn’t happen when women do it.

"Los amigos platónicos y no sexuales deberían poder compartir camas juntos sin levantar una ceja y, a veces, simplemente tiene sentido práctico hacerlo, como cuando una persona está de viaje y no tiene una cama propia para dormir, como es el caso aquí. Quizás hayas compartido cama con una amiga en un viaje anterior. Es común entre las mujeres"., escribió.

Fotoalto/Getty Images

Pero parece que la principal preocupación de la mujer es si su novio la está engañando al tener una aventura secreta con su amigo. Stephen llegó a la conclusión de que no lo es, porque si lo fuera, sería mejor que lo ocultara.

Explicó: "Y no creo que esto sea una indicación de que tu novio esté teniendo una aventura ilícita aquí en secreto, si eso es lo que te preocupa. Llámame ingenuo, pero creo que si tu novio tuviera relaciones sexuales con este chico, sería un poco más discreto (y un poco menos optimista) al compartir la cama con él".

Ahora, para discutir la segunda pregunta: ¿Debería estar preocupada?

Con respecto a la trampa o algo secreto que está sucediendo, ella no debería preocuparse en absoluto. Pero Stephen destacó otras cosas que ella debería considerar.

"Y eso nos lleva a tu segunda pregunta: ¿Es esto algo de lo que deberías preocuparte? Bueno, ciertamente no creo que debas preocuparte por el hecho de que tu novio comparta la cama con otro hombre, por todas las razones que describí anteriormente. PERO..."

Zoranm/Getty Images

El escritor estaba más preocupado por si la mujer es respetada o no en esta relación.

Algunas de las cosas que la mujer dijo casualmente en su DM plantean serias preguntas. ¿Es esta incluso una relación saludable? Él le dice palabras muy desagradables, que ella trata con normalidad.

"...Tengo algunas preguntas sobre cómo se te planteó toda esta situación y si te trataron con respeto en el proceso. Mencionaste que tu novio dijo que estaría "muy enojado contigo" si te interpusieras en sus planes y que él "ya piensa que [eres] dramático". No tengo suficiente contexto para saber exactamente cómo se hicieron esas declaraciones o si son una señal de que tu novio está siendo desagradable contigo. Pero me quedo pensando en ellos”.

Creo que hay preguntas más serias sobre las que debería reflexionar.

Le hizo las siguientes preguntas a la mujer:

"Así que dejemos de lado las preguntas sobre compartir la cama y en su lugar hagamos algunas preguntas diferentes: ¿Tu novio es bueno contigo? ¿Te respeta? ¿Confías en él? ¿Normalmente te sientes cómoda compartiendo tus sentimientos con él sin que te etiqueten como "dramática"? ¿Estás feliz en la relación?"

Witthaya Prasongsin / Getty Images

Solo hay dos resultados. Si este es un comportamiento normal y su novio la respeta, no tiene nada de qué preocuparse. Pero si ese no es el caso, tiene cosas más serias de qué preocuparse.

“If you can answer “yes” to all of those questions, great! Let him share the bed with his friend (and maybe just crash at your own place that night instead of resigning yourself to his couch). But if you answered “no” to any of the above, well, that might be a problem more worthy of your focus than the sleepover.”

Long story short, it is most likely that he has nothing going on with his friend, but he might not respect his girlfriend.

Delmaine Donson / Getty Images

Source.

What do you think about this situation? What would you advise the woman? Leave your opinion in the comments below.

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